Reality vs. Expectations

Hubby and I watched a good movie this weekend called “500 Days of Summer.” It is a quirky movie, an anti-love story that deconstructs a relationship. In one interesting scene, filmed from the point of view of the main character, the screen is split; one side displays expectation, and the other side displays reality. The two scenes are almost the same, and yet the differences are striking. Where our main character expects to spend the entire evening having a soul searching conversation with the woman of his dreams, in reality he spends the evening watching her mingle with other people while he quietly gets drunk. He is unable to get the expectation out of his imagination nor is he able to change the reality of the situation.

Naturally, this got me thinking about reality vs. expectations. I have always been the kind of person whose expectations were exceedingly high and so reality just didn’t have a chance. It’s a recipe for disappointment, to expect so much. As I age, I find that my expectations are lessening.

My middle son is just this way. I ache for him. He’s a dreamer and invariably his reality is just never quite good enough. He becomes disappointed so easily by reality. His ideas are so big and sweeping; his follow-through impossible. I’ve tried to explain to him about bringing it down a notch and starting small, but dreamers dream. It’s like trying to swim against the current.

I have found that as gritty as reality is, as stark and unyielding, there is beauty in unexpected places. Reality beauty can be much more than the imagined beauty of expectation: the moment they put that baby on your chest after labor and you feel their warm body for the first time; the moment you fall in love; when you watch your child do well in something that they’ve worked hard to accomplish.

Yes, life is easier if expectations are just a distant relative to reality, like a dollar-rich childless cousin who lives alone in California. Reality is your kid puking all night, and your spouse who comes home grumpy. Expectation is chicken soup and chocolate chip cookies served on a tray by Donna Reed. Reality is a basket full of soggy sandwiches and bruised apples enjoyed next to a beautiful New England stream where the water is so clear you can see the fish swimming by. Which life would you prefer?