Wind In The Hair

An old friend of mine and I have been reacquainted recently. Since we hadn't seen each other for twenty years, we decided to make a list of all the stuff that we should have been doing together if we had been in touch during those lost years. The list included, but was not limited to, things like making cookies together, going to proms together, and celebrating various holidays together. Also on the list: road trips.

So we will soon be driving together to New England from New Jersey. I am absurdly excited about the road trip. I love getting in the car and going. Windows down, music rocking, and the wind in my hair . . . that's a little slice of heaven for me.

I have mixed feelings about the destination. I'm looking forward to visiting New Hampshire and the beauty of that place; it always takes my breath away a little. It will be the first time I'll be seeing my Dad's place since he passed away in November. Actually, the whole reason for the road trip is to tie up some loose ends regarding my Dad's estate. I know how I think I will feel, but I am often wrong. My own expectations are not a good predictor of what will really happen.

I have good intentions of trying to keep up with this little blog while I am traveling, but while it is possible it's not probable. I'll see you all in a week, with new stories to share and maybe some insight. Be well, everybody . . . hope you all get some wind in your hair.

Dear Readers

Ironically, I tend to dislike reading blogs. I especially dislike when bloggers begin their latest entry with "my dear readers." I also dislike the tendency for bloggers to add erroneous lists with odd numbers and strange topics. For example: seven ways to thank your school secretary, or twelve things to do with strawberries. Stuff like that. Most blogs I just navigate away from and never return to.

However, I was going back over some of my archived blog entries, and I feel the need to address my readers. I've read all the comments on this blog, more than once. I am not naive; I know that most of my readers are people I know personally. I don't go out of my way to promote my blog and most people who end up here are connected to me in some way. Every now and again, someone whom I don't know leaves a nice comment and a kind word. It's a wonderful feeling to know that someone is reading my work here and connecting with my writing.

So, I want to thank you "dear readers." To my friends and family, thank you for your support and encouragement. To readers who just stumbled upon my writing and decided to stick around for a while, thank you too. Every time I feel like quitting this blog, I'll get a comment from someone saying how much they are enjoying the blog and I feel compelled to carry on. Some of my readers comment almost every day. I love that. Hugs to all of you out there in cyber world; please continue to accompany me on my journey. I couldn't do it without you.

Woot dere it is!

A general observation about discussing politics in today's climate: anti-Obama people are extremely vocal. Extremely. Anti-Obama people are quick to celebrate Obama's defeats and even quicker to condemn any changes that are put in place to improve our economy. I'm generalizing, of course, but I'm allowed. It's my blog.

People who support Obama tend to be quieter and more polite. Personally, I ignore the negative comments for the most part. I like Obama. I am a supporter. Obama put into place, yesterday, something that almost every Democrat has included in their platform since the late 1950s. John, Bobby, and Ted Kennedy campaigned for the simple idea that every American should have health care. Obama has accomplished the first step. They did it!!! It has been a dramatic fight.

I broke the two groups into anti-Obama and pro-Obama because it no longer seems relevant to me to label people as Democrats and Republicans. It doesn't fit anymore. Americans are divided by much more than political party affiliation. I am often surprised by people I hear and see spewing the most hateful things about our President. I wasn't a fan of George W., but I didn't run around wishing him ill. I just didn't think he was doing a good job, and I thought he was dishonest, too.

I'm hoping what comes out of the whole mess, aside from health care for all Americans, is a change in the way politics does business. The need for transparency is needed now more than ever. I can't imagine any American coming away from Obama's last speech thinking that things were hunky dory in Washington. I hope people saw their elected Senators in all their glory. Glaring at the President. Looking petulant. Looking bored and disinterested. What did your Senator's face look like when Obama told them that just saying no all the time is not leadership?

Yeah, I like our President very much . . . given that we're in the worst kind of mess this country has seen since The Great Depression. So sign me up. We might be impractical. We might be a wee bit ambitious. We might even be (run screaming into the night!) a tad socialist. How will we pay for it? The way we pay for anything else. We squeeze it in there, make it a priority. Some things just need to be budgeted for, no matter what. In my opinion these things should include anything we can do to limit suffering of our fellow human beings. Health care, education, fighting poverty, ending war are the things that get me excited. If we can do these things and help all of the people in our country, why aren't we doing it? Where would you like to see your tax dollars going?

I know more than a few people, people whom I love, that struggle because they can't afford insurance. Nobody should go broke paying for medical care. It's simply not right. It's easy to be against access to quality health care when you are securely covered by insurance, when you are not up at night worrying about how to pay for your kid's next physical or the bill that is coming from the emergency room for that last ear infection. I would rather see my tax dollars going towards a healthier America than towards building another horrific military weapon.

Dear Readers

Ironically, I tend to dislike reading blogs. I especially dislike when bloggers begin their latest entry with "my dear readers." I also dislike the tendency for bloggers to add erroneous lists with odd numbers and strange topics. For example: seven ways to thank your school secretary, or twelve things to do with strawberries. Stuff like that. Most blogs I just navigate away from and never return to.

However, I was going back over some of my archived blog entries, and I feel the need to address my readers. I've read all the comments on this blog, more than once. I am not naive; I know that most of my readers are people I know personally. I don't go out of my way to promote my blog and most people who end up here are connected to me in some way. Every now and again, someone whom I don't know leaves a nice comment and a kind word. It's a wonderful feeling to know that someone is reading my work here and connecting with my writing.

So, I want to thank you "dear readers." To my friends and family, thank you for your support and encouragement. To readers who just stumbled upon my writing and decided to stick around for a while, thank you too. Every time I feel like quitting this blog, I'll get a comment from someone saying how much they are enjoying the blog and I feel compelled to carry on. Some of my readers comment almost every day. I love that. Hugs to all of you out there in cyber world; please continue to accompany me on my journey. I couldn't do it without you.

Okay, lets do it

My Dad used to say that "Making plans is a waste of time." Dad was the kind of guy who would make up his mind and just do it. Plans weren't part of the equation. "They never work out, in my experience," he would say. He would make decisions based on conditions, decisively and without fussing. "Okay, lets do it," and up and out he would go. I can hear him saying these words still. Whether it was a big or small thing, he was decisive.

In sharp contrast, would be myself. I brood. I worry. I weigh pros and cons. I talk about the matter under consideration incessantly to my friends and go over all the fine points. I analyze and dissect my decisions. I ask for signs from the universe. Needless to say, decisions don't come easily to me, or quickly. If I were a politician, I would be condemned for being wishy-washy. A veritable fence sitter. What I have is a healthy dose of fear and practicality. I know that things can go wrong, and I'm not at all sure that things will go right.

I'm working on being more confident in the choices that I make. If I am quiet, I know my truth. I feel it and see it as clearly as Caribbean water. Trusting my intuition is a skill that I haven't mastered. Second guessing myself is a skill that I have mastered quite well.

I have entered the second half of my life. I have weighed the pros and the cons and have decided on happiness. I've decided on living my truth. I have no plan, I will make my choices as they appear to me. I can picture my dad sitting at his kitchen table, and smiling at me and saying, "Okay, lets do it." Without an ounce of fear or doubt. This time, at least, I would say "Okay, lets."

Woot dere it is!!

A general observation about discussing politics in today's climate: anti-Obama people are extremely vocal. Extremely. Anti-Obama people are quick to celebrate Obama's defeats and even quicker to condemn any changes that are put in place to improve our economy. I'm generalizing, of course, but I'm allowed. It's my blog.

People who support Obama tend to be quieter and more polite. Personally, I ignore the negative comments for the most part. I like Obama. I am a supporter. Obama put into place, yesterday, something that almost every Democrat has included in their platform since the late 1950s. John, Bobby, and Ted Kennedy campaigned for the simple idea that every American should have health care. Obama has accomplished the first step. They did it!!! It has been a dramatic fight.

I broke the two groups into anti-Obama and pro-Obama because it no longer seems relevant to me to label people as Democrats and Republicans. It doesn't fit anymore. Americans are divided by much more than political party affiliation. I am often surprised by people I hear and see spewing the most hateful things about our President. I wasn't a fan of George W., but I didn't run around wishing him ill. I just didn't think he was doing a good job, and I thought he was dishonest, too.

I'm hoping what comes out of the whole mess, aside from health care for all Americans, is a change in the way politics does business. The need for transparency is needed now more than ever. I can't imagine any American coming away from Obama's last speech thinking that things were hunky dory in Washington. I hope people saw their elected Senators in all their glory. Glaring at the President. Looking petulant. Looking bored and disinterested. What did your Senator's face look like when Obama told them that just saying no all the time is not leadership?

Yeah, I like our President very much . . . given that we're in the worst kind of mess this country has seen since The Great Depression. So sign me up. We might be impractical. We might be a wee bit ambitious. We might even be (run screaming into the night!) a tad socialist. How will we pay for it? The way we pay for anything else. We squeeze it in there, make it a priority. Some things just need to be budgeted for, no matter what. In my opinion these things should include anything we can do to limit suffering of our fellow human beings. Health care, education, fighting poverty, ending war are the things that get me excited. If we can do these things and help all of the people in our country, why aren't we doing it? Where would you like to see your tax dollars going?

I know more than a few people, people whom I love, that struggle because they can't afford insurance. Nobody should go broke paying for medical care. It's simply not right. It's easy to be against access to quality health care when you are securely covered by insurance, when you are not up at night worrying about how to pay for your kid's next physical or the bill that is coming from the emergency room for that last ear infection. I would rather see my tax dollars going towards a healthier America than towards building another horrific military weapon.

Things you never thought you would say

I, as a parent, keep a list of things that I never thought I would say and have said. Things like "Because I said so" and "I'll give you something to cry about" are staples on the list. I have had a few others I thought I might add. Please feel free to judge as harshly as you like, but I know that most of us have had these moments:

Just sit there and watch TV.
Okay, just let mommy finish her wine and then we'll go.
It's okay, you can shower in the morning.
I swear to God, if you touch your brother again I'm going to smack your ass . . . hard. (This one might just be me)
Well, if you're bored you should play a video game.
Okay, birthday cake is okay for breakfast.

Stellar parental moments. I'm not proud, I'll admit it. Sometimes you have to say WTF, even if you're a parent.

Anticipating Spring

All of my East Coast friends and family are experiencing spring. The snow has melted and they have been having weather in the 60s and bright sunshine. I've seen pictures of crocuses and budding trees and the beach from my people back East. I've heard stories of long walks, bike rides, tennis, and golf; of enjoying the beautiful spring weather after a long winter.

Here in Sioux City, Iowa, we haven't been that lucky yet. We haven't cracked 40 degrees yet. We still have a good ten inches of snow on the ground. The gutter on the front of my house fell off last week because of ice. I have a hole in my sun room ceiling that we can't fix until all the snow has melted. Also, it's been raining for five days now and it's supposed to rain for another three. My mood has been a little blue.

My prescription for myself is sun. I need a warm, sunny, spring day. I need to feel the sun on my face. I need to see a daffodil. I remember my Dad would always call this "the hardest month." Spring is so close, but not quite here. Dad didn't live in Iowa. Dad lived in New Hampshire, which generally has long winters with lots of snow. Dad enjoyed winter until March and then started to have cabin fever. I've had a similar experience this winter in Iowa.

So, Mother Nature, I would like to order up Spring . . . with a side order of bright sunshine.

The Problem With Pancakes

The Problem with Pancakes

The problem with pancakes is that they are a torture device for me. I love them. I adore them. However, pancakes do not love me back. Those fluffy, evil roundels of pure "bad for you" carbohydrates are irresistible hell. Of course, one cannot have pancakes without syrup. They just taste so, so good, especially with a glass of milk.

Without getting too detailed, I will explain the process that I go through after eating pancakes. First, my stomach gets upset. I'll spare you the details. Then I have a sugar high in which my hands shake and I get a little disoriented. My stomach is still upset at this point. Then my blood sugar drops, fast, and I end up with a headache and usually need to sleep for a couple of hours. When I wake up from my sugar-induced coma sleep, my stomach is still upset and I'm grumpy. It's a lot of fun.

The other day at IHOP, my hubby said, "If I were you, I would never, ever eat pancakes." I was good; I ordered a sandwich and DID NOT order pancakes. I didn't even look at the pancakes on the menu. However, one of my sons didn't eat his pancakes. I wrestled with myself; I really did. Suffice it to say, I had to sleep for two hours Saturday afternoon and woke up grumpy.

The whole scenario reminds me of a poem. Here it is:


This Is Just To Say
by William Carlos Williams

I have eaten
the plums
that were in
the icebox

and which
you were probably
saving
for breakfast

Forgive me
they were delicious
so sweet
and so cold

I'll just leave it at that.

Dream Big

A confession: I have been known to give interviews and acceptance speeches in my car. Nowadays when people see me talking to myself in the car, they probably think I'm using a hands-free device. A decade ago, people just thought I was crazy. Well, I am. I have given exclusive interviews to Oprah, Terri Gross, Ira Glass, and occassionally Barbara Walters. I have accepted Oscars, Emmys, Pulitzer's and once in a blue moon I have won the Pillsbury Bake-Off.

I have excelled in many fields. I am an expert on any field, on any given day. I am really quite fabulous. I have directed, written, studied and researched everything. Oprah really likes me. My answers never sound pretentious or rehearsed. I'm that likable. I really can't get over me.

Another confession: I haven't given any interviews or speeches in my car for a long time. I hope that doesn't mean my dreams are going away. That would be sad. Maybe I just have smaller dreams now. I probably won't win any awards or get interviewed by Oprah. I might, however, see my kids go through college. Maybe the million dollar prize at the Pillsbury Bake-Off isn't going to be direct deposited into my bank account. I think I have a shot at opening a small business. Big dreams are important, of course, but mostly unattainable. I'm finding I'm more excited about a small dream, custom built by me for me. Reaching for the stars is good. For me, reaching for that perfect apple on that branch that's just a little bit out of range is feeling pretty good, too.

Patch Work

There is a little-known fact about losing a parent: you go crazy for a while. Well, that's a fact for me. Obviously, we all live through pain. Pain is inevitable. Some pain is worse than others.

Knowing that grieving is a process doesn't help much. I know the phases of grief. Intellectually, I can take a step back and analyze my feelings. Oh, I'm in the bargaining phase again, how nice. Acceptance must be right around the corner. Look, I'm angry now.

I can tell you that the actual feeling part of the process isn't much fun. There are good days and bad days. What do we do when there is a big gaping whole in our lives? I'm trying to patch that hole up the best that I can. I visualize a hole in the fabric; I am clumsily trying to patch it up. One patch is the people who love me. You gotta have that. Thank God that I do. Another would be the people whom I love. Thank God for them, too. My children have their own patch, they just do, because children are our greatest gift. My children often heal what is broken inside of me.

I'm sewing up this hole in the fabric of my life. I don't think it's going to be a fast fix. I'm not sure this hole can be entirely filled. Maybe it will be like earning patches in Girl Scouts or Boy Scouts. Here is my self-worth patch, my humanitarian patch, my building-a-fire patch . . . .

Have you ever seen a pair of pants patched up to the extreme? They really are interesting garments. Quilts are beautiful and they are mostly bits and pieces of fabrics. I know I can make something beautiful from my bits and pieces. I'm just not seeing it yet.

Under Cover Boss

"Undercover Boss" is a new reality TV show. The premise is that the top dog in a giant business conglomerate goes undercover to interact with "regular" workers in the company. The first week it was the CEO of Waste Management. Another was the CEO of 7-11. I was especially interested in the Waste Management piece, because hubby used to work for Waste Management . . . or, rather, he once worked for a company that was bought by Waste Management. The only way we knew he was working for Waste Management was the logo on the paychecks.

At first "Undercover Boss" seemed like a heart-warming show: the big boss sees the light and makes things better for the workers. Seems like a show custom made for these times when there is an ever-widening gulf between the haves and the have-nots. Well, between the syrupy music and the obvious "producing" of situations in which we find our boss man, I was disgusted. This show is so obviously a propaganda program that I will not watch it anymore. See, America, we aren't evil big business! We are understanding and open to the people. We get it now!

Guess what? Humanism and big business just don't mesh. If the bottom line is profit, then human beings aren't your focus. Don't pretend that you care, big business. We already know what you care about.

Gen X

Technically, I'm a member of Generation X. Anyone born after 1965 and before 1979 is a member of Gen X. I don't like this G-moniker for my peers and myself. Can't we get a little credit? At least we could be the Inter-Net generation. People my age will remember early computer classes where we had two keys to push. That was it. Yes or No. 1 or 0. People my age didn't have VCR their whole lives. Nor did we have On Demand, or DVR. We could be the Cable Generation.

We used to listen to vinyl records when we were kids. I had a record player. Now we've been through Cd's and we're moving on to iPods. Music is now bits of digital language sent through the air. We could be the Techno music Generation. What about all the other stuff that happened during our time on earth? A man walked on the moon. Why not The Moon Generation, or The Space Travel Generation? We are the children of hippies. We could be the Peace Babies.

I don't feel bad. The next two generations are called Y and Z. I guess we need a clever writer to come along and name our generation. Any ideas?

In like a Lion

Let's face it, this Winter has been the pits. Even the staunchest snow lovers are throwing their hands up in disgust. Record snowfalls have been recorded all over the country. There was even a day that 49 states had snow somewhere on the ground. That had never happened before. Never.

This is the worst time of Winter, when spring restlessness starts to creep into the mixture. There are signs of spring. The birdsong sounds a little louder, doesn't it? Are those buds beginning to form on that branch? I have the desire to spring, but the snow and the cold and wind stop me. It's torturous.

Spring is a time for action. Winter is a time for inner work. I've made " in like a lion out like a lamb" my mantra this winter. Here we are on March 1st and then . . . Spring. Renewal.