My oldest son is almost 14 years old. He's got this group of kids he hangs around with and I like them. I'm been watching, with interest, the one and only girl that hangs out with this group of boys. I'll call her H. H is beautiful, smart, funny, and just a kick ass girl. She likes punk rock, she plays the guitar, she dyes her hair every other week. H is an incredible artist, too. This is no preppy, cheerleading type of girl. This is a girl after my own heart. All of her best friends are boys.
Yesterday, I was talking about circles. That way in which things in life come back around. I like this friendship that my son has with H. I was the same way in high school. Almost all of my best friends were boys. There were a couple of reasons for this. One was that teenage girls are complete bitches. Not all, but a lot. Some of the nastiest people on earth are teenage girls. Luckily, we grow out of it. There is a competitive thing that happens with teenage girls that is ugly.
Someday, H will realize that boys won't take the place of a really good girlfriend, but for now she has her crew. The easy friendship that my son has with H is fun to watch. I see that H really understands my boy. As a parent I love watching that. H likes him, too; she gets it. He's a great kid.
Watching my son forge these friendships, I want to tell him to cherish them. These people who like him now, when he's awkward and learning about himself and the world, and he doesn't know enough yet to pretend to be something he is not, are the real deal. Take lots of pictures, son. You will want to remember these times.
Hubby thinks that any teenage boy who hangs out with a girl wants to get laid. I don't agree. I think that sometimes there are girls who transcend that and become real friends. H and my boy are there. Last week, my son said H was mad at him. H was mad because a teacher was giving her a hard time and my son didn't stick up for her. He was upset. He said he should have stuck up for her. Why? "Because that's what friends do." Would my boy have cared as much if it had been one of his guy friends?
Yup, I hope H sticks around for a good long time.
Saturday, May 8, 2010
The girl in the crew
Posted by S.D.S at 11:52 AM
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5 comments:
I said that Boys and Girls can’t be friends, because teenage boys ultimately will want more. It is inevitable and something that a women can’t understand. He will always have his hormones making decisions for him.
You are right that if it was one of his male friends the thought of “sticking up” for him probably wouldn’t even come up, let alone bother him. But because it is H? Please
Can I get a brother out there to back me up here?
Wish I could back you up, Hubby... And, I agree in most cases you're right. Probably 99.9% of the time.
But, growing up - during one of the best summers of my life - I met a girl who was the coolest chick in the world. Sure, she was outwardly attractive, but it was her outlook and personality that drew anyone to her. She was so positive and full of hopes and dreams. I was happy just to hang out with her.
After that summer, we lost touch. Lives changed and took different directions. Years later, one of our mutual friends, with whom I'm still in touch, asked me, "Why didn't either of us date her?" We both agreed - her friendship was far more important than trying to ruin it with anything more. How could we have known that at the time? It's beyond me, because just about every other girl I was friends with was for some ulterior motive.
It does happen, but it's rare - I'll give you that.
hehe, me 1, hubby 0
Sorry, hubby.
That's pure bullshit. I bet when you were 14 you would have sung a different tune.
Teenage boys don't always have the confidence to kick open the door, or even go in if it's ajar. But if it's wide open they will enter, and I bet you would have done the same.
Why did my son make a cake with "H" for her boyfriend? I don't think that he likes baking.
Hey, Hubby. :-) Didn't mean to cause you any grief. Just stating what I know to be true. And, I think you might have missed the "99.9% of the time". I essentially agreed with you, but was offering one experience I know to be true that doesn't fit the norm.
In the future, you might try to be a little less judgmental and more tactful in your responses. Otherwise, commenting on this blog will cease when folks fear their honest responses will be shredded when you disagree.
I enjoy civil discourse, and have no problem with people disagreeing with me. But, let's keep it courteous and try to discern between opinion and fact. :-)
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