Where is the drum roll? My first step into the revolution of technology that is happening all around us should be commemorated with more than just the sound of my dishwasher changing cycles, don't you think? Just a small fanfare?
Ah well, as usual delusions of grandeur and then...... reality.
A little about me and why I am writing this blog. The month I turned 39 I was already visualizing 40. It was.... surprisingly excruciating. I was, and still am, a stay at home mom, raising 3 boys. I was 267 lbs. I was miserable. How did I get to this spot, I asked myself. What am I going to do?!?!? Who do I want to be? I'M GOING TO BE 40!!! I'm going to be 40. Oh dear lord, I'm going to be 40......
Let me add here that I took a hard look at myself. Pros and Con's. The list was much too long on the con side. I was a homemaker, and honestly not very good at it. I was a Mom, I have some moments, but on the whole I wasn't terrifically gifted in that area either. What else could I put beside my name? I was tremendously fat and out of shape, that didn't go on the pro side. I was moody, miserable, self-absorbed, and depressed. Not where I imagined myself when I looked to the future as a little girl. I still had no idea what I wanted to be. Time was marching on, and I was standing still. Good times people, good times.
Oh and did I mention that my husband and I were on the verge of bankruptcy? And it was my fault? Not my finest hour by a long shot. So what's a girl to do? What does an average American girl do? What would you do?
This is what my blog is about, what I did. What I am doing. What I will do.
I call myself an average American because I tend to fall into this category when I read polls and surveys and trends. If there is a trend singled out in the media, yup there I am. "I do that" I'll say to myself. "That's me!" I wish it wasn't true, I wish I was more original and interesting than that, but no I am a member of the masses. The nameless and faceless "they". When we ask who is "they", well you're looking at her. "They" say it's going to be a bad winter this year. Yeah, I had been repeating this to everyone I saw, why? Because "they" said it. I heard it somewhere. Sadly, I feel this is many of us.
We were living in Morrisville, Pennsylvania right on the border of the upscale neighborhood of Yardley, Pennsylvania. We had an average house in a nice suburb with nice people living all around us. I made fast friends there and it seemed like we were living the American dream. We were weren't we? We had some ground around our house, green grass, nice school district, good stable people. Of course, the house we bought was too expensive for us, so we had an adjustable rate mortgage that had a low enough rate so we could make our mortgage payments. My husband had a good stable job, had been promoted to second in command in just a few short years. My husband is a superstar. We made good money right? I was going to school to be a nurse and then I would be bringing in a salary too and we would easily be able to afford our life. Buy a little more than you can afford and grow into it. Buy now - pay later. Everyone was doing it. I was very creative with the bills. I was in charge of the finances at that point.
As the homemaker, the house and children and finances were my job. I took my job very seriously and I'm not kidding about that. I wanted to create a stable, normal, consistent home for my children. I wanted all the things for them that I didn't have myself. I wanted them to play sports and have music lessons and be involved in the community. I wanted them to have the right clothes and wonderful holidays with all the toys and gadgets and books they wanted. I wanted them to make lemonade stands and skateboard on the street and ride their bikes. Perhaps a Golden Retriever? or better yet a Chocolate Lab. In my mind this made the perfect family. The perfect life.
Well, that life was a lie. It was a lie I was living. My kids didn't come out perfect little boys, they came with issues. Serious issues that I had to deal with and didn't know how. The toys that we literally spent thousands of dollars on? Laid broken in pieces and mostly unused and definitely unappreciated. All the activities? My 2 older boys hated playing sports, wanted to quit almost every activity. The books were good, books are always good. My nursing degree? Surprise, you're pregnant. My husbands stable job? Fired, for political reasons. The beautiful house in the suburbs? Accruing a thousand dollars a month interest. Our payment didn't even cover the interest.
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