On losing 100 lbs

I turned 39 and I swore that I wasn't going to turn 40 and be fat.  I'd heard reference made to the three F's, forty, fat, and female.  The three F's is a term used by medical proffesionals as a red flag for all kinds of fun health problems.  Like Diabetes, or heart disease, or kidney issues, or any other number of health issues that I would just as soon not have.  So I knew changes had to be made.

Believe me, when you are that overweight you know it's not good for your health.  It hurts.  It hurts to get up in the morning, it hurts to climb stairs, it hurts to walk,  just about everything physical hurts.  It hurts emotionally too.  I don't think I need to explain that point.  We all know the society in which we live.  Carrying around that much extra weight is a barrier to life.  It's hard not to think about it, everyday.

I had become resigned to my weight issues, accepted that this is the way that I was and always will be.  My husband, God bless him, never cared.  He has never, ever said anything about my weight.  His stock answer is "you look good to me."  Nice.  We went on vacation to Disney World a few years back.  I was at my heaviest then and I noticed that my kids would follow the nearest fat lady if they lost sight of us.  They did this all week, it was painful.  Also, I have the problem of not seeing myself as I am in the mirror.  I always think I look thinner than I actually am, I guess it's better than the alternative.  I've been there too.  Photographs of myself self were always a jarring reminder of the extra weight I carried on my body.  Yuck.

So, having made up my mind to lose weight at 39,  I started dieting in a panic.  Let me say here that I don't believe in dieting.  I have tried every diet known.  I have tried every supplement (except Alli, I've heard stories) and every shake and every crazy scheme out there.  That time I tried The South Beach Diet.  It worked, a little.  Good ideas in that book.  I joined Weight watchers for the millionth time.  It works, if you stick with it.  I did end up losing weight before my 40th birthday, can't remember how much, but I did feel better.  I was still fat though, just less fat.

I wrote earlier in this blog about our experiences during that year.  My 40th year.  It was stress central.  With all the upheaval, the uncertainty, and the pain that was going on it wasn't too difficult to lose a few more pounds.  Usually in times of great stress I like to eat, but in times of great distress I don't eat.  Also we were making some changes in our kitchen.  I wasn't buying junk food, I wasn't buying soda, we were changing all refined products to whole grain products.  I was cooking with whole foods.  I stopped using food that comes in a box.  We found this great Chinese grocery store with fresh veggies cheap.  They had all kinds of vegetables and fruits, some common, some exotic.  We tried everything.  It was fun, trying to make meals that were delicious and whole.  That made losing some more weight even easier.

I learned to eat a lot less.  Portion control is key.  Portion control is how I will continue to lose weight and keep it off.  Whether I eat something healthy or something deep fried on a stick, I always stop eating it before I feel full.  When I feel I've had enough, I stop.  It's simple.  I find that a couple bites of something unhealthy is enough, I just wanted a taste.  I don't eat just because the clock says it's time for a meal.  If I am not hungry, I don't eat.  If I feel like a snack I'll grab a small handful of almonds with some dried fruit.  It's filling, nutritious and satiates the hunger.  A lot of snack foods don't take the hunger away.  Candy bars and chips don't.  Soda, lattes, smoothies don't do it.

I find that I want my food to provide me with nutrients now.  I want my food to fuel me not just fill me. It makes me happy to look in my shopping cart and see whole foods looking back at me.  It's not a diet, it's a lifestyle.  Do I eat bad for me stuff?  Yup, all the time.  Just not huge platefuls.  Moderation is a word that I have recently gotten a better handle on.  Moderation is not my forte.  But I feel that I've fought a long bloody war with food and we are now at a truce, albeit an uneasy one.

Losing the weight wasn't that difficult, gaining the wait was excruciating.  It's not easy to gain the body weight of a whole other human being.  And knowing the entire time that you are doing it to yourself.  Watching as your clothes don't fit anymore again, and again, and again.  Yeah, that shit hurts.  It's demoralizing.  Knowing you are doing it and completely unable to stop it.  Ouch.  Yeah losing 100 lbs is a lot easier than gaining it.

I hope some of you will share your experiences with losing and gaining weight.  It's certainly a perfect topic for being in your 40's.