To TV or Not to TV

When I was a kid, TV shows always had a little moral at the end. Whatever the problem was, by the end of the half hour it was solved and tied up in pretty ribbons, all nice and neat. Marcia Brady would learn that it's better to be a good friend than go out with that cute football player; Fat Albert and his gang would learn how to deal with that bully; and those people on Fantasy Island would make their dreams come true.

I see a bit of this now on TV, but nearly as much as it used to be. The moralizing is a bit more sophisticated and realistic now. Reality shows, although produced and edited, show people in a much different light. There is moralizing, but there is also a celebration of people screwing each other over. "It's all part of the game."

I can't say that I know which is better. The TV of my childhood gave me unrealistic expectations about how problems are solved. Real life problems cannot be solved in a half-hour. Problems do not get tied up into pretty ribbons. Real life problems are much grittier than deciding to go to the prom with the "right" boy.

Today's TV doesn't flinch away from gritty problems, just watch CSI, Law and Order, or Glee. In fact, TV today seems to love to jump onto any or all subjects. Glee has a teenage gay character that is handled quite beautifully, with dignity and finesse. On the flip side, we have just as many programs that show the worst kind of human behavior imaginable. Anybody catch any of Jersey Shore? Survivor? Real Housewives of . . . (pick one, they're all disgusting).

Every once in a while, I remind my kids that what they see on TV isn't real. I remind them to question the things that they see and hear and to remember what is what. I tell them that advertisements on TV lie, and to question things they hear on the news. I often wonder how damaging this constant barrage of information is on children and their psyches. It's enough to make me want to throw my TV out of the window.

Boys, Boys, Boys

I live with my three sons and my husband. We have two dogs, both males. It's good to be queen. However, there are a few things about living with all this male energy that confuse me.

Things that I do not understand about men:

The absolute delight they take in watching disgusting things. Example, a You Tube video showing a cyst being popped. They all watched it, yelled ewwww, and then watched it again. I left the room.

The way that they all like to hit each other, hard, and then laugh.

They like to jump off of the roof onto the trampoline. They just really like jumping off of things, the higher the better.

There is always a puddle of pee somewhere in the vicinity of the toilet, but not quite all the way in the toilet. Flushing seems to be optional.

The fascination with weapons, and the way they can make a weapon out of anything. Example, a paperweight duct taped to the end of stick.

Their total fascination with anything that blows up.

They like The Three Stooges.

The absolute hero worship of Myth Busters.

Not a single one of them will watch Glee, American Idol or Project Runway with me.

Thank goodness one of these male kids is a father. I just don't get it.

It's us against them!

I have neighbors next door. I'm assuming they are human beings. I haven't actually seen them yet. What I do know about them is that they feed the squirrels.

Iowa squirrels are not the same as the squirrels that live in New York and other northern east-coast venues: those unobtrusive little gray things who skitter about and are not being noticed very often. I would venture to say that most east coasters only notice them when they are getting into their bird feeders.

Iowa squirrels are red and fluffy. They are quite pretty; against snow, they look like a greeting card. However, the squirrels in my backyard are becoming brazen. These squirrels are well fed, and ready to fight for their home. They know a good thing when they've got it. The other day, one of them walked right up to my back door, knocked, and asked for a sandwich. He even asked me to cut off the crusts. The nerve!

These squirrels lay down on top of our swing set, and when the kids walk towards it they start telling my kids off. It sounds like a lot of chirping and spitting, but I know what they're saying: "Hey, kid, this is my turf. Somebody's gonna get hurt. I'm ready to rumble, punk!"

My back yard has become a turf war. It's us against them. These squirrels don't seem to understand who's paying the mortgage around here. I've explained to them many times that these are my trees. I even showed them the documentation. They don't care. Dang cheeky squirrels.

Yesterday, we had a wild turkey in the yard. I hope he's not getting any ideas . . . .